when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
you ever wonder how lesbians feel about girls being in relationships with other girls on facebook? could it annoy them more than it annoys me?
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
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