I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
Mom said you looked used
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
Randomize
