I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
I was able to overlook the Affliction tee until he took it off and there was another tattooed on his body.
Was it at least attractive minus the Gargoyles or skulls... or whatever affliction is putting out these days?
Even a greek god couldn't pull it off. Told him I like Ed Hardy Better. Death Before Dishonor, baby. I'm sure it was a painful blow. hopefully he understands sarcasm.
I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
It's official! Naked girl is back and making stir fry. Still not sure she realizes we can see her whole apartment from our balcony. Cheap beer and a show.
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