I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
Randomize
