ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
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