2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
What you up to?
Having coffee. Getting eyefucked. Eyefucking.
Full throttle
Some guys are relationship guys. Not our niche.
was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
Randomize
