You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
