Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
Randomize
