You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
Randomize
