I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
Randomize
