So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
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