wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
Randomize
