WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
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