fuck your aforementioned shoe
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
Randomize
