That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
Randomize
