I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
Randomize
