Mel Gibson is dating a 24 year old
You're not Mel Gibson and I'm not 24.
i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
Randomize
