Nevermine. I'm just going to tell you on Myspace with a glitter graphic.
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
Randomize
