So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
Randomize
