Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
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