i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
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