after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize
