Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
Randomize
