I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
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