ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
my suitemate came in my room last night and flashed me. and then she just walked away. deff transferred to the right school
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
Randomize
