He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
Randomize
