I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
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