sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
Randomize
