How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
whoever created level 16 on brickbreaker is a dick
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
Randomize
