Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
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