Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize
