I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
Randomize
