I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
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