All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
I got inside last night via doggy door
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
Randomize
