just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
Randomize
