i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
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