White boys cant dance....we did an empirical study
If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
I forgot how hot balto sounded
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
Randomize
