I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
Randomize
