We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
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