Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
Randomize
