Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
Randomize
