The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
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