We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
Randomize
