Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
Quick, to the slutcave!
My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
Randomize
