My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
Randomize
