He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
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