All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
Randomize
