My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
I wonder why dictionaries dont have indexes to help find the words easier.
You're earring is so big in my mouth
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
it's like heaven, but drunker
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
Randomize
