our cab driver is having phone sex.
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
Randomize
