have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
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