I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
splinters make it hard to masturbate
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
Found the puke drawer
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
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