Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
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