Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
Randomize
